How to overcome fear and gain confidence
By Allison Isambert, a Life’s Rails Blog Contributer
“Defending your Life“, is a film about two star crossed lovers, literally. Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep both die in the first five minutes of the film of the afterlife comedy. Our hero; Brooks, arrives in the afterlife only to find that when you die, you must stand trial and justify your lifelong fears in order to advance to the next phase of existence. If you haven’t mastered this skill, you are sent back to Earth to do it again. The idea being that Fear is the only real obstacle in life.
I have always loved this film and often ask myself if fear is preventing me from doing somethings in my daily life. When the answer is ‘yes,’ I know I need to look further into the reason. What are we afraid of? It is estimated that 30 percent of us have experienced some type of phobia in our lives, but the causes vary greatly.
The most common are phobias related to things we have little control of like Arachnophobia – the fear of spiders. Some other fears including falling or needles often stem from past incidences where there was a bad experience. These may seem irrational, but they sure feel real at the moment.
Some phobias are more severe such as fear of social interactions. Also known as Social Anxiety Disorder requiring a trained professional to assist in conquering anxieties that can’t be handled on our own. It’s important to talk to a professional if they’re all-consuming or causing panic attacks.
We’re all afraid of failure, it’s probably the most common fear we as a society experience. But we really need to ask ourselves; what’s the worst thing that can happen? What have we got to lose? With just a few easy steps we can get over some of these fears allowing us to live the life we are meant to. An added bonus is that by confronting these fears, we gain confidence in working on other fears we have. We get stronger with each victory.
One such way to triumph over a fear is to declare our commitment to others. Sharing with friends holds us accountable. It is like a New Year’s resolution that starts off strong and may waver in time. By sharing with friends or family, we develop a support network to help us get beyond the fear.
Another solution is to play out our fears. Will we be physically incapacitated if we don’t confront the fear of public speaking? Will I lose a friend if I tell them the truth that the dress does not look good on them? By actually looking at it instead of reacting to it, I realized it’s not the monster I thought it was.
Another solution is to reframe the situation. Every failure is a learning opportunity. Failure teaches us much more than success. How many times have we tried to get a rocket into space until we succeeded in going to the moon? Each attempt was a lesson for the next try.
The most important thing to remember is that the fear is not greater than us. We are the master of our lives. If I never tell that cute guy at the coffee shop that I’m interested, how will I get that first date with my potential Mr. Right? Another way to get over fear is to break the fear into snack-sized pieces. Try to confront the fear in steps. Maybe I can’t say hello this time. But maybe next time I can smile at him…or even better, maybe you can ask the employee at the counter to allow you to prepay for a guy’s coffee in line behind you! If you stick around, the balls in his court to come and offer thanks.
Even if your phobia it’s not on this list, any kind of phobia is valid. Always remember, we deserve to live a fear-free life! It is important to talk to a professional if they’re fears that are a bit bigger to deal with. Although phobias can interfere with our life and daily routine, there are ways to get help. Therapy, medication, or just being brave, can help us achieve more than we thought.
What’s the result of these efforts? We gain confidence and help switch our way of thinking. As a result of conquering your fear, you will be empowered to face other obstacles. At the end of the film, despite having not conquered fear in his life, Brooks is given another opportunity to confront his fears. This time, he has learned from his past mistakes. He risks everything in order to confront his biggest fear, the potential loss the love he gained with Streep. He confronts this last obstacle and as a result, he grows and is allowed to move forward with her at his side. Will you conquer your next fear? Just be confident.
Editor: Shaina Dickson
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