Halloween Special – Cutting Toxic People Out of Your Life

Lately, there’s been this dilemma…

I’ve gone through some intense personal growth over the past year, and with that came growing out of certain friendships and realizing who was holding me back.

It’s been hard and uncomfortable. Especially when these people happen to be family members or close friends.

I’ve had to distance myself from people that I love because I’ve learned that negative energy can be more contagious than positive energy.

Here are some traits of the people I ultimately had to cut out of my life to keep growing:

1. Their energy is draining

Do you know those people who just seem to radiate negative energy wherever they go? Something is always wrong, they’re always down on their luck, or complaining of some life event, they always have a headache/stomach ache/backache, they always cancel plans.

Every time you see them it’s the same. After a while, you get tired of trying to help. Sometimes it’s impossible to shed light on people when they’re stuck in a negative headspace.

2. They don’t encourage your goals and dreams

I’ve had friends and acquaintances who spill their life stories to me whenever I see them. This is fine, except when it comes time to talk about my own goals and ideas, and they don’t offer the time of day.

I’m sure you know at least one of these people; the ones who talk a mile a minute about everything going on in their lives (usually negative) and don’t let you get a word in.

Or worse, you try to share your ideas and they change the subject or give you reasons why your goals are unachievable. Not cool bro.

3. You’re only keeping them around because you’ve been friends for ‘x’ amount of time

Unfortunately, time doesn’t always trump quality. Even if you’ve known someone for 15 years. If they’re not growing with you or they’re holding you back, It may be time to distance yourself.

The time spent with someone in your life may make you feel like you want to be loyal and stay by their side, but it’s just like romantic relationships and marriages. Sometimes they fizzle out.

4. They have a problem for every solution

I’ve experienced this situation in previous jobs, working with teams that just didn’t want to come up with any new solutions. They only created problems or reasons why things couldn’t be accomplished. Attempting to solve anything in this situation becomes a negative feedback loop.

It happens in the case of friends as well.

Example:

Friend 1: “I need to start saving money. I’m so broke.”

Friend 2: “I felt the same about a month ago, and decided to track my monthly expenses with a budget app to see where I can save. Have you tried?”

Friend 1: “No, I don’t really have time to do that.”

Friend 2: “How about this Friday we stay in and make dinner instead of going out.”

Friend 1: “No, I’m stressed and I don’t feel like cooking. It’s just one dinner.”

Friend 2: …..

You get the picture.

5. They take advantage of your kindness

I’ve been guilty of being a doormat before, so I might have an enabling role in this one with past experiences.

Nonetheless, it’s still not okay when someone is constantly using you for favors, money, sex, personal gain, or a ‘transaction-based’ relationship of any kind. Maybe check out a book such as this one if you want to learn more about this topic in particular. And so, if there are no other elements to the friendship that are fulfilling you, go find friends who will genuinely appreciate you.

6. They discourage your healthy choices

If you’re trying to stick to certain eating habits, lifestyle choices, exercise routines, or you’re avoiding drugs or alcohol, and your friends or family put you down in any way or try to pressure you into anything that doesn’t hold to your values; don’t put up with it. Period.

You are a product of your environment. Including the people, you hang out with.

I have close friends and family who are eager to hear about what I’m doing with my life, the goals I’m working towards, and vice-versa. The conversations equally give and take. They are uplifting, positive, and I feel energized after spending time with these people. These are the ones to surround yourself with. The ones that will help you achieve things you may have never thought possible.

As for the negative ones, you don’t have to be blunt and say “Hey, you’re cut. Peace.” It can just be about distancing yourself, spending less and less time with them, and creating more boundaries…

Everyone does this part a little differently ~Good luck & Happy Halloween!

Disclosure: This blog post belongs to one of our Authors here at Life’s Rails, Madison Bellamy. Please click here to read more of Madison’s writings and to read the original post. This post for ‘Knowing When to Cut Toxic People Out of Your Life,’ has been slightly modified in order to correlate to Life’s Rails posting style.

Lastly, if you liked this post and any other posts on our blog and wanted more content like this – please help us sustain our blog maintenance! Visit our new donations page for more information. Until next time!